Better than I was but still not well

In February this year, I set out to complete the 30-day Bikram Yoga challenge—90 minutes in a 40°C studio every day. I was feeling strong, even managing a double session at one point. But on day 17, everything changed. Sudden, intense pain in my back made it hard to breathe, and I ended up in hospital with pneumonia.
 
Recovery has been slow, and even now, months later, I’m not quite back to full health. The experience forced me to step away from my usual routines—work, gardening, cooking, and my ambitious large scale drawing exploring Britishness and Identity. But rather than stop creating altogether, I found new ways to express myself. I started making art about my present: how I felt, what I was experiencing, and the reality of being unwell.

I let go of worrying about scale or outcome and just made. I filled sketchbooks from bed, drew on my body with henna, wrote prose and poetry, created illustrations and abstract work, experimented with digital art, printmaking, collage, photography, and knitting. Colour became important in lifting my mood. This period of creativity felt quite different from my usual practice—more experimental, more expressive and immediate.
 
I said to myself I will stop doing this when I feel better.  By August, I realised I wanted to move on to new work. That felt like a sign of recovery. So, I decided to stop making art about illness and instead share and reflect on the journey. I created an installation and a zine to capture this chapter, sharing it with others at my studio. The conversations that followed were powerful—one visitor said, “That really resonates with me. It’s really good.” We looked at each other and both said “Hmm, that’s really bad”.  It’s not something anyone wants to experience. I am so aware many people face far greater health challenges, and all being well I will regain my health at some point, at least I hope so. 

​The installation has been packed away now, but the zine still exists. I’ve shared copies with friends who supported me, and I’m delighted that the Wellcome Collection purchased one for their extensive zine library on wellness.  My studio is already transforming, with new work taking shape on the walls. I’m still managing my health, but I am better than I was, and I’m looking forward to pain-free lungs, returning to yoga, and applying all the learning from this suprising period of creativity. 

​Thank you to all my friends during these most difficult times, for the tea, the cards, the check ins and food, yarn and patterns.   Extra special thanks to Luke without whom nothing would happen and with all that happens is done with and received with love. 
 
My Zine ‘Better than I was but still not well’ can be purchased from my Etsy shop.